Building Personal Trust
December 15th, 2003 by Hal
Galford and Seibold have a five-stage model for building personal trust, The Trusted Leader, pp.75-87. I'm not here to endorse it or criticize it. I'll start by sharing it. I reviewed the authors' book at the end of October in my brief posting Take the Trust Test. Since then, I keep making reference to the book. Here's their five stage model for building personal trust:
- Stage One: Engaging
- They use the metaphor of syzygy (alignment of sun, earth, and moon) to show the beginning step for trust. They claim people must be predisposed to trusting. By engaging with each other you begin to see the world from the other's perspective. As you continue to engage you will discover what the other cares about.
- Stage Two: Listening
- All relationships are based on paying attention to each other. The principal way we do this is through listening. The authors share these four steps for improving listening skills:
- Be patient
- Let the other person tell her story in her own words, and respect the way in which the story unfolds, but don't be afraid to clarify what you hear.
- Try not to use stock phrases to excess.
- When you're listening to someone, behave like you're listening to them!
- Stage Three: Framing
- This is the stage where you get to show the other that you've been listening. The authors create drama at this point saying, "(T)his is the moment when you're obliged to let the other person know that you have stood in his shoes…and that you are confident there can and will be a meeting of the minds between his perspective and yours." The authors put framing in a form of getting at the "taproot issue" facing the other person.
- Stage Four: Envisioning
- You create a positive view of the world that the two of you will share. It is a step for exploring and agreeing upon a possible outcome.
- Stage Five: Committing
- "Committing is where you live out the promises you've made or implied at every other stage of building personal trust."
The five stages are presented in a context of there's something for the two of us to address. However, the authors claim that these five stages can be used for building ordinary personal trust with a colleague. Looks that way to me, too.
Now for my commentary. I said in yesterday's posting that I like this book. Greg and I use it along with Solomon's and Flores' Building Trust as the basis of work we do on project leadership. That said, I think the authors are missing two elements and not giving enough attention to a third element. First, they miss the issue of competence in establishing trust. I trust you as a project manager because you are competent to perform what it is project managers do. I don't trust an artist as a project manager. Nor do I trust my financial advisor with caring for my children. Competence in a specific domain of action is foundational to building personal trust.
Next, the authors miss that when we trust someone it has two elements to it. There is the part where we assess the other as trust-worthy. Then there is the part where we grant our trust. The first part is rather straight forward. Through interaction we develop opinions of the other's competence, reliability, sincerity, and concern for our concerns. The second part is often all about us rather than the person to be trusted. The act of granting trust is a declaration we make fully knowing that it is only based on our opinion. We make that declaration (or not) trusting in our own capacity for assessing trust-worthiness while putting ourself "at risk" to the consequences of trust misplaced.
The authors emphasize listening as key to establishing trust. I couldn't agree more. Their fourth point is the key. We must behave like we're listening, not as in "acting" but authentically. That means give your full attention to the speaker. It's not easy. Takes loads of practice. And in this time where technology interrupts us and enables multi-tasking, we get far too much practice at not being present. Readers of this weblog know how much emphasis we place on listening. I'll share the top ten list of listening actions we use in the Project Leader Studio with you tomorrow.
Great news! I just got off the phone with Rob Galford. He has agreed to be the sixth author on next year's teleconference series with us. Look for the announcement for the whole program at the end of the week. If you haven't read The Trusted Leader, then now is a great time to do so.
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